Am I subconsciously self destructive?

I have come to the fast conclusion that yes, I am maybe subconsciously self destructive. Why is this? Well I'm just not sure... I can only tell you how I've come up with this notion at 2:00pm on a boring Wednesday. I have terribly frightening dreams. And not every now and then, they happen all of the time! I hate having bad dreams, and it is especially frustrating to tell the dream to someone else expecting them to react in a frightened manner (similar to my own upon dreaming the dream) only to realize you had to be there...

Lately (this past week) I have had a series of dreams consisting of world ending themes and life threatening situations. The first one, that I can remember, I dreamed that I was acting as a body guard for a pop star who mistakenly told hungry people that she would bring them life sustaining food to her concert if they were to attend. The impression that I had in my dream was that the food was a really really big deal to these people. It was almost as if we were at the end of the world or had suffered some sort of shortage of supplies in the United States. Anyway, she didn't follow up on her end of the bargain so the people who came started to throw rocks at her. The other bodyguard and I decided that it was our job to protect her from the rocks that people started to throw. One person in particular was trying to smash our heads in with huge boulders, and I remember yelling at her that she would be murdering us if she succeeded. She didn't seem to care, and at that point in my dream I became really frightened (the kind of frightened that comes with knowing, or thinking you know, the end is near). We decided to run into a house and barricade ourselves. It was almost like a horror movie where you aren't sure if you locked the back door no matter how hard you try to remember... I just hate dreams like that! And right before I could figure out if I really had locked the door, I woke up.

The dream I had last night probably spawns from working community based programs up at Camp Kostopolus. For the past 2 weeks, I have been helping with what we call community based programs for people with disabilities. Basically, a group of activity leaders, myself included, pick up participants in the 15 passenger vans and take them to an activity that usually lasts 2 hours. The activities are in the evening and by the time everyone gets dropped off and the leaders get back to camp, it is 11:30pm most nights (if not later). The reason I am telling you this is because before we leave we have to close the gate to the property. This is no ordinary gate, I have often referred to it as sounding like those big creatures from War of the Worlds. The noise it makes at almost midnight is earth shattering for me, especially since I am deathly afraid of the dark. I can't help but imagine that the gate is some sort of demon calling to its cohorts who are hiding and waiting in the forested areas of the Camp's property... I hate it so much!

Now that you have the background... I dreamed last night that I was running from those creatures and every time I found a place that seemed abandoned or I felt like I wouldn't be found, I would hear those creatures and have to start running for my life again. Sometimes I would find a grouping of people somewhere, but then someone would make too much noise and attract the creatures again. So it turned out that I had to run by myself and hide or be caught... creepily symbolic? I dunno... Even after I woke up really scared and then fell back asleep, I was in the same dream.

So maybe I'm not self destructive, but if anything my subconscious has a morbid sense of humor... and I don't like it one bit!!